The Divine RPG - A Hellish Pandandom

Cool it, cupcake. You panic, you're sure to get caught. Now, I may not have been wandering Hell for centuries, but I DO have some experience in subterfuge and espionage. In fact, I had to take an orientation class in it. I'm looking for a library, or a courthouse. Something stately and puffed up- demons are vain idiots just like people. Help me look and shut up.

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*Hal hears the voices- human voices- of two people who might provide him with some company. He's new here, from Level 1, and his journey this far below has not been a pleasant one. He's trying to keep up the good Christian ideals of kindness and compassion, but too many times he's been forced to turn his tail and run. There are some things that shark-hunting on Earth don't prepare you for.

He goes over, confident but a little intimidated.*

Excuse me, can I be of any assistance? You sound like you need some help.

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Well, that may be but you are looking in the wrong place. You will never find a building till you have found your way out. Do you not know a labrynth when you see one.

*She stops and turns carefully in each direction. It is impossible for Lilah to discern what she is trying to sense but at least she seems to be engaged in finding their way. She does however turn her back in one direction with an air of finality.*

Not that direction I should think. Pick one of these and we can see where it leads. I have only been here once and do not remember the maze in it's entirity.

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*Beauty does not immediatly register the voice. In a place where almost everyone is loud, abrasive and coarse this voice, polite and well spoken, could easily go unnoticed. She does notice however, even as she is replying to Lilah and turns in the strangers direction. If he is an occupant who has somehow escaped his bull then he will not go undetected long and if the demons find him here they will find them as well.*

I think good Sir, if you have come from one of yon bulls you had best crawl back in again before you are found out. They have serious penalties here for those who escape.

*Beauty cannot help but notice that he is rather handsome with an air of knightly bearing or perhaps lesser gentry. Could he be a wanderer like they?*

Are you a champion seeking a quest?

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*Lilah turns in the man's direction and looks him up and down. Great, she thinks, another prick to raise her hopes and then dash them like, well, something brittle.* It's ok, sweetie, we don't need any testosterone. What we really need are directions, and you're not equipped for being much use in that department. Too much in your shorts.

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*Beauty flushes from mortificatin of Lilah's treatment of this wandering knight.* Please pay her no mind she knows no better manners than she was born with. If you are offering your companionship than we are most certainly in your debt.

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*He, also, takes note of Beauty's... beauty. In fact it takes him a couple of seconds to overcome a sudden shyness before he replies.*

Oh, well yes I am. I'd like to be some help.

*He holds out his hand, the 1950s manners he's been brought up with not leaving him even in Hell.*

I'm Hal Hunt, I'm from Level 1.

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Level 1, huh? *Lilah grimaces, remembering her W & H initiation training.* Oh, right, the level where the gee-I-almost-made-it-but-didn't-quite-make-the-cut losers go, right? What's the pain there, sweetie, bad hair? Cracked nails? C'mon, Barbie, let's get going. *She gives Hal a derisive smile.* Nice to meet you, Ken. Find your own decoy.

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*Beauty gives Lilah her most royal and sweetly superior of smiles, like someone trying to humor an annoying child. Then she turns her back on her though not quite completely out of her line of sight(never turn your back in this place). To Hal she gives a genuine smile and with a fluid motion her hand directs her attention to him alone.*

I am the Princess Beauty. Pay her no heed. She has been nothing but ill tempered since we met and she has hardly been in this place any time at all. You are very well met I am certain and I would not be so foolish as to turn down the offer of a champion in this place. Were I in my own court I would receive you with much greater comfort, still the least I can offer is my gratitude for your pledge of service.

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Champion? Please. I've known champions, sweetie. Real ones. You know, real accredited goody do-gooder types. Backed by the Powers and all that twot. Believe me, he's not one of them.

*to Hal* Of course, if you really WANT to help out two damsels in distess *bats her eyes* feel free. I'm looking for a library or a courthouse, and more immediately, the way through these goddamn bulls to the actual city of Dis. Think you could help a lady out?

*to Beauty* "Princess Beauty"? You've gotta be kidding me.

*to Hal* I'm Lilah. It means "night beauty." *flashy smile*

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*He's easily embarrassed by Lilah- were she a man he'd have stood up for himself, given the lout something to think about, but his ingrained chivalry makes him very easily cowed by a woman. Still, he has to suppress a little flare of anger towards her, keeping his expression genial.*

I think I passed a courthouse that way. It was a large building with pillars anyway. *He gestures down one of the streets, flushing a little at his own uselessness.*

*He turns to Beauty with a slightly relieved smile.* You're too kind. I'm sorry but I've never met a princess in real life. Should I bow? *He really means it, and is trying ever so hard to be a true gentleman.*

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Well, it is proper ettiquete, but few others here bother to observe it and*Beauty drops her voice and moves closer to him*some do not even have the sense to know their own place. However, while in my company you are entitled to the same level of reverence. But do not expect any from Lilah. I am only here because she drug me while I was hampered.

*To Lilah she says* The courthouse may indeed be in that direction but I do not think that path will take us there. We might try this path.

*She stands waiting seemingly for Hal to do something and when he does not she takes his arm, stretches it out straight in front of him and lays her own lightly on top of it. Then with a graceful dip of her head she begins walking in the direction she indicated willing those flutterings in her stomach to be still once more.*

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*He can't help but grin a little. He's getting flutters too, and despite being quite the capable and dominant young man, he's a sucker for someone so beautiful.*

Oh, um, yes. Alright.

*He speaks to Lilah as he walks in Beauty's chosen direction.*

Are you coming Miss Night Beauty?

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Cut the crap, Hal. *she stresses his name like a derisive diminiutive.* Let's just go. The sooner I find what I'm looking for, the sooner I get outta here.i

*She casts Hal a calculating look.* So what're you in here for, honey?

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*While he puffs up a little in indignation as she speaks, at her question he deflates to his previous sheepishness.*

I honestly have no idea. I think it may have been forgetting to go to Church on Sundays.

*He's well aware of how pathetic this sounds, but he doesn't have another explanation. There was the accidental murder of various endangered species of animals, the deliberate capture of animals for circuses, and the casual racism, but none of that is particularly wicked to him.*

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*Lilah bursts into a raucous laugh, mildly crazy.* You- you ARE a piece of work! Well, I must be talking to Satan himself! Let's go for a stroll, you wicked boy. I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm breaking out of here.

*She casts narrowed eyes over the two of you.* Help me, and I'll help you, too. I'm a lawyer. I'll make a case for you. Just gotta find a way to make an appeal in this shithole. Help me into Dis. *She's speaking in an urgent whisper, still appearing mildly insane.*

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*Beauty gives Hal a reassuring smile* To be certain it is wise to attend services with regularity, but I am not certain that it would curse you to such a place as this. Perhaps that gracious creature sent you here to be my companion and champion. You do resemble my Prince, with your handsome face and figure and your gentle and charming manners. Yes I think perhaps you are to be my beacon in this place.

And as for Dis* here she is interrupted as there is a violent trembling, a loud snorting and the crashing of giant metal hooves as the great braziers uproot themselves and begin to reform the maze in a lumbering macbre dance. Beauty freezes, moving only if necessary to avoid one of the bulls never taking her hand from Hal's. She seems to both of them wary and watchful but not particularly afraid. When the tremors and noise finally fade she takes a few steps in each direction and then without a word strikes off down a path which seems uncomfortably warm, her hand still resting lightly on Hal's. She seems, if anything more composed now than Lilah has yet seen her.*

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*He's still blushing, not used to people being this complimentary. He's starting to feel very important, and almost before she's finished speaking he's developed and overprotective streak for her. If it's what is expected of him, he plans to outdo all expectations.*

You're too kind, Miss Beauty, Your Highness. *He still has no idea how to truly address her.*

*He trusts her to know where she's going, so he follows beside her warily but without visible fear.*

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*Hal finds himself with a lady on each arm when, as the Bulls begin to move, Lilah gives a squawk and throws herself at him, grasping the opposite arm from Beauty and tightening her hands on him in a death grip. Once the braziers settle into their new locations, she loosens her grip somewhat but seems unnerved enough not to want to let go. She seems less interested now in his and Beauty's intercourse, peering ahead to their destination. She's muttering something to herself that sounds like latin and is so quiet even if the other two shades speak it they cannot make out what she's saying.*

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